CANNED THOUGHTS...random thoughts of a middle aged man

  

... only God is my true fate
     i shall have faith

....my best asset is not my money
    but my family,and of course my honey

...there is nothing so  purest
   in sharing to the poorest

...the best thing in life is to be free
   but not my coffee with expensive fee

...noon,pag natalo sa casino,  milyon,
   ngaun, pag uminom ng kape, bilyon

...politicos and artistas,      pareho lang yan!
   businessman at doktor,  pareho lang yan!
   GMA at obispo,               pajero  lang yan!

...ang spondylosis 
   the best diagnosis
   pang iwas sa paglilitis

...first gentleman, 
   purse gentleman

... mag- aral , mahirap
    mahirap  ,   d makapagaral 
    mag-aral !  para d maghirap

...marriage is one time,
   carriage is a lifetime

... i always listen to my wife
    bcoz, if she holds the knife
    it's d end of my life

... give my wife 'roses'
    not once,not twice! maraming beses

...i have a lot of vice
   my wife has a lot of buys

... payag na ko under ng asawa,
    under her spell!!

...yesterday, love of money is the root of all evil
    today,       lack of money is the root of all evil

...as Filipinos, marami  tayo pwede ipgmalaki :
        gobyernong walang paki
        lubak sa kalyi
        baha hanggang kili kili

... BUD/GET
    so u wont GET/BAD
 
.... MM/DA : DA/MM

... i only have 3 laws to believe
      God's law
      Wife's law
      Mother-in- law
     
... iba na ang  LOVE . nahahati...
    LO/ VE : LOwe/ VEton

... i'll teach my children:
    what to say, when they pray
    be sturdy, when they study
    be strong, in a storm
    be assured, when pressured
    how to cook, not by-the-book
    to eat pork , is the prize of hard work,
    focus on the lesson not on the baon
    ambition to get rich, not to be known rich
    sex is masarap,watsnex is mahirap

... i have to watch my diet
    if i dont want to die yet

...EXERCISE is an exercise to excise excess size 

...dont smoke
   ul choke
   its not a joke

...dont gamble
   ur life will rumble
   instead, be humble
   ur life will not crumble

...'IN' proper order:
    to overcome my INsecurity
    i have to put my securityIN

...T/AX : AX
    
...PO/LICE : LICE

... my plans?
    maiksi lang buhay, LOL na lang!!
    leche plans..




    
    
  

another word!: PRESIDENT'S LAST WORDS!!!

another word!: PRESIDENT'S LAST WORDS!!!: "Did u know that our past presidents uttered their last few words before they died or minutes before they stepped out of Malacanang Palace?....."

PRESIDENT'S LAST WORDS!!!

Did u know that our past presidents uttered their last few words before they died or minutes before they stepped out of Malacanang Palace?...even the present president gave us options patungo sa tuwid na daan...It's very interesting to note kasi we never knew na ganun pala inisip nila paglayas nilla!!!

MARCOS... Melda, Ang Raket Co Ok Sana!!!
                    

CORY........ Cris Over na Relationship w Yap....,!?
                     Crissy, Over Relationships na You!!!

FIDEL RAMOS ..... (on his stand sa 'pabaon' issue)
                          ...... Fu&@&ng Ina!,, Dapat Embestigahan Lahat
                                 Remember All Military Officers, Sangkot!!!

JOSEPH .... ( on his son) ... Jinggoy, Ok Sa Erpat Patulan Hueteng.,!!!
                     sumagot si
                      JINGGOY... Joseph,Iniingatan Number Game,Give Omento Yearly!

GMA ..... Gago! Mike! Asshole!!!
                 Give Me All !!!

P-NOY ....Pilipinas, Nakaw O Yosi....
                 (eto mas matindi)
                 Porsche, Nakaw O Yosi....

 kaw na!!!

OW JOB!

                                                  
       Did u know that the 'name' itself of our job tells everything  what we do?here are some funny things that happened when I tried to de-fine (lose the real fine meaning) of some of the jobs in the philippines...some maybe funny but maybe happening...
         I mentioned PHILIPPINES.. uunlad pa b tlga pilipinas..? wag ka na umasa.trace ur history!.. o PHILIppines ( choose,elect) pili tayo ng pili ng presidente wala naman pagbbgo.. phiLIPpines ( labe,bibig) puro lang lip service.no action!... philiPPines ( mute,speechless,no voice).. la tyo boses,if we have, they would just land on deaf ears! ...pHILIppines ( from the word ' hilly') tlgang baku baku at masalimuot na tlga buhay natin dito...so wats left 4 us... anu b dulo ng philippINES...kaines!!!

ok.jobs na tayo.who else will come first.. el presidente

PRESIDENT.PRES-i-dent ( ipitin,ilugmok) .. pres-I-dent ( ako)..sya pala d ako..pres-i- DENT( ngipin!) the president will push and press us till our last tooth!

VICE - PRESIDENT - same as the president, may  VICE nga lang,do i still hav to define? pwede din BUYS ( bilmoko) bilin ko to, bilin ko un

SECRETARY  - obvious ito.. SECRET (lihim,tnatago ) ARY ( possession) .. d mo tlga mabisto mga pag aari nla,...

SENATOR -  SENATor ( feverish, may lagnat)..the best excuse when accused!..senATOR ( end of alligator..gator ) ..
enough na. but i want to clarify that i de- fined the word philippines and the rest of the words SEPARATELY .. huh..

De- fine ko na nga lang job ko.I might be incriminated ur honor. actually , its there in the word JOB.
yes, im an  OB... OBSTETRICIAN. there are several types of this special branch of medicine

 Olways Biyak ( cs ng cs )
 Over Billing ( mahal singil)
 Owl Busters ( laging puyat)
 On- stage Beauty ( beautiful OB)
 Off-stage Bakekang ( not beautiful OB)
 Obsolete Beauty ( matandang  OB)
 Olways Beside ( iha, ako OB mo.nka mask lang ako)
 On Board ( iha, nasa sasakyan na ko.malapit na jan.dnt worry, abot ako)
 Olways  Booked (uy, dami patients)
 Off  Booked ( la patient)
 Over Booked ( feeling may patient)
 Oh B (bading na OB)
 O Biz (sikat na OB)

PHYSICIAN - this word is very unethical. see how it is pronounced.
fee see' shan.tingnan mo.singilin ka muna bago ka tingnan!

PRIEST - originally comes from  the word' PRAYst'...they are responsible for praying for our souls !pero some japanese would pronounce it as plist..parang plist donate.plist give to the second collection..before the final blessing...

     about the pajero issue?here's the reason why... nag send kc mga priests ng letter kay ma'am...nakalagay S.U.V.. ( Sana U Visit).. eh ang intindi ni ma'am Send
Us Vehicles!.... e2 malupit...Six Utility Vehicles?...noh..Sampu!!

CARPENTER-see carpainter

ACTOR - comes from the kapampangan word Haktur which means they hack someone's personality and mimic it

ARTIST - also a kapmpangan term ,hartist... their works come from their heart

HOUSEWIFE  - wipes the house

DOCTOR - combination of two words 'DAK', colloquial for dakdak.they talk too much
they themseves understand( medical terms).. and' TOR', visayan term ng tour,they will tour u to different lsb tests and modalities bgo mag diagnose

BEGGAR-see also BAGGER,GRABBER,RAGBIER

ENGINEER - root word  GIN, after ng mga projects nilla, inuman na

        CIVIL - build CIties and VILlages

        CHEMICAL - root word  CHEMIX, halo ng halo cla ng chemicals

         COMPUTER- wrong spelling. dapat COMPUETER. sakit sa pwet pag lagi    
               computer

         GEODETIC - tik tik ng tik tik ng lupa at bato para maghanap ng mina

         NAUTICAL - combination of two root words,  'NAUTY'( yan gawa nila pag nka              
             dock ang ship) and 'TICAL' ( yan gawa nila pag  nag iisa na sa dagat)


COOK - see BOOK. ( they also do it)

TAILOR -they make tales ( nku d pa po yari ang damit...nxt week po).nagtatahi ng
         kwento.

NURSE - Not Usualy  Rendering Service Efficiently
             - Napaka Under Rated ng Salary ni Employer
NURSE -see also CALL CENTER AGENT
NURSE -see also SALES REPRESENTATIVE
NURSE -see also SM DISPATCHER
NURSE- see also EVENT ORGANIZER

G.R.O - Gyrating Rotating Ovulating

HOSTESS - host tease. tease their hosts

BUISNESSMAN- wrong spelling.dapat BUISMESSMAN.  Busy on a mess
                          -BEASTNESSMAN din... hayuup magpatubo..

         CHINESE - ayaw nila 'intsik', gusto' in cash' pagbumili ka sa kanila

         JAPANESE - d daw PANESE   ang sushi nila.

        BUMBAY - BOOM  cla pag BUY ka


......ran out of jobs! send some and let's De-FINE